Christmas Season: Meaning End of the Year

no image. like a b&w film.direct and sincere.

I actually want a photo of snow and taken by me.

but tropics.

I told myself that I won't write any blog post outside of my Mac anymore but I just feel I need to write this down right now realizing that mid-December is just around the corner and I might not feel like this for the coming weeks until the year shifts and then I realize I wasn't able to do a year-end recollection. So you know, my Macbook is still with the service center and I might get it next week, hopefully. I just ate it's hard drive and it almost made it to 1 year before dying. So now, I have to turn on this black laptop, open blogger and start majestic's playlist. Which reminds me, I think I won't be able to release the year-end playlist that I was  planning since last October. But I'll try. I also have another playlist to do for a friend... And already this post took a left turn.

Back. Unlike most Filipinos, I don't feel Christmas-y on the start of the -ber months. Some announce it, some really celebrate it. (Hey Grinch me!) More like I want it on December not September. So now that it's December, it means it's properly the Christmas season. Meaning Christmas parties. Meaning gifts. Meaning food. Meaning I just realized how hard the goal that my doctor gave me last month is (wrong time to watch what I eat). It also means end of the year (or end of the world on 12.21, whichever floats your boat). Time to look back on how the year was, what happened and how to proceed forward from this year.

To be honest, this year is mostly a blur because even though I know a lot of things happened, there are a few things that just overshadowed everything else in terms of the gravity of the situation. What this year managed to make me do is it made me think a lot and I do mean A LOT (not ALOT, I don't want a weird bear-like animal in my life because it's always better) on how I've been living, my views, my principles, what I've missed and what should have been done. Sure, I now regret some of my decisions before but then I didn't have the guidance and the knowledge I have now. Suffice to say, I can tag my past as wasted years but in those years, I had fun. I grew. I discovered. I did something that I like and I was able to enjoy it. So scratch the tag of  "wasted years". Make it, others just got a head start. I always use this analogy that some people just managed to press the right buttons. Me, I'm still reading the manual, managing through life like it was the 80's and I'm trying to setup the VCR to record an episode of the Never Ending Story or the Ewoks. This year made me realize a lot of things, made me feel emotions that I thought were just due to the spur of the moment but not really because they were just realization-related feelings that just exploded. I have to change my plans. I have to be the somewhat the bad guy. I have to do it because it's the mature thing to do. I have to grow up. I need to grow up. I should grow up. NOW. I guess this is a milestone in itself, that is almost the same when someone realize that they'll be a parent and that they'll start a family soon. Where they would suddenly have a change of perspective and realize, "FUCK, saying "I'm old" is no longer a joke, that makes you sound like you're a kid  but you're not, and is basically a non-issue anymore.".

2012 is a revolution of a year I guess. Which means next year will be a lot more challenging. I don't know how to explain it but I know I'll need more full body massages, most likely twice a month or weekly, because it will definitely be stressful. I know, I know, it will only be that way if I make it that way but it's not the pessimist in me talking, it's the realist eye seeing how the future will be based from previous experiences. This year is a roller coaster of a ride and I don't see it ending anytime soon. A lot of my friends have moved-on with their lives in 2012 and I'm left here, admittedly problematic (and somewhat stagnant), but with new goals and a new outlook in life. I've seen changes happen in me (insert puberty joke here) and I saw results that gave me that much needed boost. I'm powering through the end of the year 4 kilometers a day on the weekends, multiple reps on weekdays, and up to now, a sea of perspiration. It's so physical, it's fun! Seriously, I want a pool that I can swim in to any time I want to. I usually check on my To-do list that I make every start of the year but I feel this year has been shaken AND stirred so much that I assume I wouldn't have made the slightest progress on any thing that I've set myself to accomplish. I don't want to put myself in a disappointing mood by looking at it, rather, I'd like to think that I'm adapting. Getting a hard time doing so, but I'm moving. It's progress. It might be as slow as the Philippines but at least I'm the president of my own life, not someone else.

What I'm holding tight in my hands are the principles that I've realized this year and I'll use it to guide me through next year. Maybe someone might hold it with me, or maybe I'm just making that statement interesting. *wink* (or am I?) Now I'm just messing with you guys. I have to be honest, 2012 was hard on me. But it taught me lessons that I needed to know. It made me snap in the right cog that I would hopefully turn correctly and would get 2013 running (I want that pair of Nike running shoes that I was having fun customizing the other day). It upgraded my life with a new set of gears that makes it easier for me to shift when I need to. (I still want a Tern folding bike!!!)

I wanna say that this is my year-end post but I know it's too early. Some people haven't even bought gifts yet, that includes me. But I might make a new one, if not, then I guess I've already done my homework. Now to get back on what gift I can give myself this season. Because I feel I really deserve it, after everything that happened, and not just because I'm making a shallow excuse to get myself something shiny and new. Why would I kid myself anyway? And that goes to others who say "they deserve it" even thought deep inside, it's a hollow excuse. A season's tip brought to you by me, trust me on this.