Thursday, March 28, 2013

Bloc Party in Manila

I was able to watch Bloc Party's first concert here in the Philippines and it was awesome! The long lines outside (that made us miss UpDharma Down!!!) were worth the wait to see them perform. It was one heck of a concert! We're not in the front though but it was still rockin! Nothing else to say. Pictures.














I'm with Petite, James and Pam

Ah concert photography! I love the lights! I would really like to do this kind of gig.

Next stop, Toe then Wanderland 2013! Ooh yeah!

Sunday, March 10, 2013

I've finished Insanity... Sort of

Well, not really. I was able to do complete the 2 months BUT I have skipped around a week and a half worth of days because the following excuses:

  • Body was too worn out from yesterday's exercise.
  • OT at work.
  • Social gathering that took a bit chunk of my evenings.
I know, excuses are just excuses but it's hard to do insanity when I'm mentally drained from work because in order to accomplish it, I need to focus a lot, something I can't do when I'm drained. I was doing the Insanity workouts every night because that's my only free time everyday, and the fact that it's suppose to be 6 days a week for 60 days is a really big commitment. From my experience, Insanity is best done by people who have some background in exercise and A LOT of motivation because it's one heck of a workout, really it is!

In the first half of the first week, I was struggling to keep up and I found out that my cardio that I've build up isn't enough. Then as the days progress, I was able to catch up to most of the circuits but I know that my knees are taking a beating from the jumps. The squats were also pushing my legs. In some days, I was hurting while walking, yes walking. Most of the exercises that I've done before this, the pain from my legs will only be noticeable when I walk down (or sometimes up) stairs or steps, but with this one, even simple walking triggers it. For the record, I'm not athletic and this is the first time I've done these kind of circuits in my life. If I was more active before then I assume that I wouldn't be this much affected because my muscles would be used to by now and that I know how to properly take care of myself.

Mostly they are leg exercises but another primary target of this workout are the abs. In every circuit, Shaun T reminds you to keep your core contracted. ALWAYS! But it's hard for someone like me to do that since I'm focusing to keep my form right (another thing Shaun T pounds on you every exercise) and trying to catch my breath and worrying if my muscles can last. Sadly, most of the time, I can't keep my core contracted. Things is, even if it's not, the exercises still hits the abs. That's how effective they are! The heart is pounding and muscles are hurting. That's the summary of Insanity. Stamp in No Pain, No Gain!

By the end of the first month, I'm accustomed to the exercises and now know the proper form. I can do the circuits with little worry and less unscheduled breaks in between. Then came the second month and then BOOM, the levels or the workouts skyrocketed and now I'm back to catching up with the circuits and boy were they hard! This is the time when I have to skip some days because my body is still broken from the previous day and I know I couldn't do even a single squat. I don't want to take pain relievers because I know that's not the right thing to do and I also wasn't able to drink the recovery formula because I don't have one plus the protein shake I was drinking brought back puberty to my face and I just have to stop because it became unmanageable. I thought of going to the dermatologist back then. That meant that my muscles aren't taking enough nutrients to repair themselves costing me exercises every other day.

Another thing that I wasn't able to follow is the 5-meals a day and a controlled diet. First, the meals are expensive. That's it mostly. I tried to find alternatives and it somehow worked but I assume not as effective if I had the right ingredients. My appetite doubled in just the first week of doing the exercise and actually when I had my follow-up checkup with my heart doctor, I gained a few pounds causing me to hit the overweight mark. He told me to lose weight. Yes, I'm physically fat according to my weight and now if I tell others that I'm fat and they tell me "what I'm talking about?", I'll tell them my doctor said it.

Insanity was still effective considering a lot of things that I've done wrong. I noticed my arms and legs were firmer after and my gut is more pronounced. Seriously, why wouldn't it just fall off? It's like the fats are already out there and it was just the skin that's holding it in. DAMN HARD TO BURN OFF!

In short, I wasn't able to get the results I wanted but I don't blame the workout, I blame myself for it. And I vow to do Insanity again soon! Now I know how the workout works and I know my limitations. Today I started going back to the gym, last week I started running again. I'll build up more body strength and a lot more cardio to take this challenge again! (Plus I need to burn the pounds I gained after the exercise.)

ps: I'm thinking of getting a bike again. Should I? Tern D8 or a roady bike. But I want a Fuji X20! #wants

Saturday, February 16, 2013

That "Vintage" Look

I'm sure you know what Instagram is. If you've been active on social websites and apps on mobile phones, you would know what Hipstamatic is too (was). But even before these whole faux-vintage photos became such a fad for mobile phones, I was already hooked to the look of vintage because some of my idol photographers would do this to their images on the web. But it's not like those over-saturated treatments that I mostly see from these apps rather the more less-contrast, sharp (or sometimes not), pale look with a slight tint on the overall. That's about when i discovered Lomography and in there I started to appreciate the vignettes, more saturated color tints and the other qualities of expired films. But other than the look, I didn't really understood why I like those kind of  photos. It's old, it's outdated, it's not correct as that's not what the eye can see, it may be what the past looks like but it's artificial, and it's not where the technology of photography is going to. Sensor technology is progressing to recreating that natural look, what you see is what you get. Not over saturated, not tinted, just the right colors. But I liked these "old" looks still. I find it creative in a way but that's it. I didn't try to find the answer as to really why I am in to faux-vintage images. I wonder but I didn't really bother.

Only recently I found my answer to this little question of mine after I read about an essay in The New Inquiry. It's titled Pics and It Didn't Happen by Nathan Jurgenson. Although the topic of his essay (which is really interesting) isn't really directed to this concern, the essay is talking about Snap Chat and how it affects our over photo-lated world by making photos scarce again. As in any other essays, there are links to his references and one of those is titled The Faux-Vintage Photo. In this one, he explained what this fad about vintage-look photos is all about, how it started, it's effects and even it's possible future. It's quite a read for me but one thing sticked to me more that the other points of the essay; he said that all this vintage-y photos offer nostalgia for the present as well as authenticity.



I've never really thought of it that way before. Old = authentic. All I know is that this image looks like it came from the 1980s although the subject of the photo is clearly modern. A portrait looks vintage in it's colors but I know it was shot a few months back based from the description of the photographer. I never thought that I looked in to these kind of treated images and felt, these are authentic. There is a point there, old images are regarded as authentic and real, because they stood the test of time, it captured a memory, all of those are the primary goals of photography, capturing a moment and preserving it. On top of my impression that such a photo looks creative, I may have viewed it as real and tactile like any printed photo even though I'm just looking at it from my laptop or my phone.



Before the Internet, DSLRs, and mobile phones, photos can only be seen three ways. First is when the photographer snaps a shot (in concept form), the other as a negative (during processing) and the last is as a print (the one we hold and share to others). All of these made photos during the old times physically real. Compare it to todays way of sharing pictures, they are mostly on the web, displayed by screens either through the computers or through smaller ones in mobile phones. Digital. It's not a bad thing, it's actually convenient, not bringing albums upon albums of photos from one's euro-trip or from a party by the beach. But there is something to things that can be touched that makes it more authentic even though the images seen from the screens are as authentic as they are captured (unless overly photoshopped, I'm talking about captured moments here).

I guess Nathan is right. The appeal of the faux-vintage images comes from nostalgia and the effect of making an image seem more real just like prints. Maybe I still haven't printed that many images to appreciate the "look" of modern day photography showing the right colors, but for now, the vintage-y look works for me. If I want to view the modern look, I go to 500px (this website hosts the best of photography in the web, IMO). If I want the old look, I visit the blogs of my idol photographers or browse through DeviantArt or look through my feed in Instagram (yes there are really good photos in there too, you just have to look). In the end, the images are successful. Photos should either convey a message or invoke an emotion from the viewer, in a way, vintage-y images does that even though I haven't realized it before.

Even if the fad fades, and people go back to horrible HDRs or whatever it is next in line, I think I'll stick with faux-vintage photos, but it's not like those over-saturated treatments that I mostly see from apps rather the more less-contrast, sharp (or sometimes not), pale look with a slight tint on the overall.

*Those photos are of my drooling nephew and my sister's new puppy. Ow, and read those articles/essays, they're really good.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Sesame Street Playlist 5



My first playlist for 2013 is here with more genre of songs compared to the previous playlists! I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised when you hear them. All of them linked to their Youtube music videos and most of them to their respective band's page. Lots of fantastic artists and just beautiful music for your listening pleasure.  Enjoy!


  1. How to Dress Well - & It Was U
  2. The Kicks - 1984
  3. Dent May - 2099
  4. Little Comets - A Little Opus
  5. Stars - A Song Is a Weapon
  6. The Bewitched Hands - Ah!Ah!Ah!Ah!
  7. GEMS - All I Ever
  8. Mitzi - All I Heard
  9. Shields - All I Know
  10. Green!Eyes - Animal Suit
  11. Crystal Bats - Arabella
  12. Fairchild Republic - Arcadia
  13. Little Comets - Bayonne
  14. American Authors - Best Day of My Life
  15. Ra Ra Riot - Beta Love
  16. Work Drugs - Beyond Greenpoint
  17. Dresses - Blew My Mind
  18. Peace!! - Bloodshake
  19. Wanderlust - Blow Away
  20. Little Stella - Bluff
  21. TRAILS and WAYS - Border Crosser
  22. Letting Up Despite Great Faults - Bulletproof Girl
  23. Mother Mother - Business Man
  24. Teen Daze - By Love
  25. Hey Geronimo - Carbon Affair
  26. Inkships - Cassettes 
  27. Restoring Poetry in Music - Catfish Blues
  28. Chromatics - Ceremony (Ft. Ida No) (New Order Cover) 
  29. Dems - Christabel
  30. The Shades - Circles
  31. Tegan & Sara - Closer
  32. Fever Blanket - Colorado
  33. Satellite Stories - Come Back Conversation
  34. Passion Pit - Constant Conversation (St. Lucia Remix)
  35. Mr. Carmack - Crash (Charms)
  36. Free Energy - Dance All Night
  37. Work Drugs - Delta
  38. General Fiasco - Don't You Ever
  39. Savoir Adore - Dreamers
  40. Dragonette - Easy (Fabian Remix)
  41. Swimwear - Easy High
  42. Cider Sky - Fall
  43. Chad Valley - Fall 4 U (Lissvik Remix)
  44. Canopy Climbers - Far
  45. Kid Runner - Flash Fashion
  46. The Beth Edges - Follow Your Feet
  47. San Cisco - Fred Astaire
  48. The Kicks - Get Over You
  49. Free Energy - Girls Want Rock
  50. Free Energy - Hangin'
  51. Local Natives - Heavy Feet
  52. IAMDYNAMITE - Hi Lo
  53. The Salvadors - Hola Nirvana
  54. Woods - Impossible Sky
  55. Theme Park - Jamaica
  56. Ex Cops - James
  57. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - Jeremy (Magnetic Fields Cover)
  58. Hunter Hunted - Keep Together
  59. Last Lynx - Killing Switch
  60. Ducktails - Letter of Intent
  61. Junip - Line of Fire
  62. Hot Chip - Look at Where We Are
  63. Geographer - Lover's Game
  64. SHIELDS - Mezzanine
  65. The Killers - Miss Atomic Bomb
  66. Oh Dear Vegas! - Modern Love
  67. Cruiser - Moving to Neptune
  68. Foals - My Number
  69. Casablanca - Natalie
  70. Limited - New Day Rising
  71. Chloe Howl - No Strings
  72. Mosaicc - O
  73. Coasts - Oceans
  74. The Sea and Cake - On and On
  75. Stillwater Giants - One Night Away
  76. Wayward - Only Flaw
  77. Max and the Moon - Out of My Head
  78. Piney Gir - Outta Sight
  79. Liv Kristine - Paris Paris
  80. Mazes - Peace Can Do No Wrong
  81. In the Valley Below - Peaches
  82. Tropics - Popup Cinema
  83. The Killers - Prize Fighter
  84. PAPA - Put Me to Work 
  85. The Happy Hippo Family - R U Injured
  86. Mansions on the Moon - Radio
  87. New Navy - Regular Town
  88. Citizens! - Reptile
  89. Tempogeist - Romeo (Monitor 66 Remix)
  90. Between Borders - Run Run Run
  91. Arts Martial - Running
  92. Bowmont - Ruphmiup
  93. Wavves - Sail to the Sun
  94. Flashlights - Scarves (Summer Occasion Remix)
  95. Exsonvaldes - Seahorses
  96. Disco Ensemble - Second Soul
  97. School of Seven Bells - Secret Days
  98. Kensington - Send Me Away
  99. Reptile Young - Shooting Up Sunshine
  100. Fun. - Sight of the Sun
  101. Eye Emma Jedi - Sin
  102. Two Door Cinema Club - Sleep Alone
  103. Windsor Drive - Sleepwalking
  104. Chris Malinchak - So Good to Me
  105. Two Door Cinema Club - Someday
  106. Future of Forestry - Someone
  107. Paws - Sore Tummy
  108. The Boxer Rebellion - Spitting Fire
  109. Kilians - Start Again
  110. Hallo...I Love You! - Stay the Night, Stay the Morning Too
  111. The Plastics - Stereo Kids (Reprise)
  112. Summer Heart - Stockholm
  113. Wild Cub - Straight No Turns (Kisses Remix)
  114. Ben Folds - Such Great Heights
  115. Eugene McGuinness - Sugarplum
  116. Kamp! - Sulk (Radio Edit)
  117. Bahwee - Summer Nights
  118. Two Door Cinema Club - Sun
  119. Greyson Chance - Sunshine & City Lights
  120. Ball Park Music - Surrender
  121. Ghost Beach - Tear Us Apart
  122. Kids of 88 - The Drug
  123. Bloc Party - The Healing
  124. CHVRCHES - The Mother We Share
  125. Swim Deep - The Sea
  126. Stars - The Theory of Relativity
  127. Dwele vs Swivel Hips - The Truth (the Swivel Hips After Party)
  128. Glass Towers - Tonight
  129. Bloc Party - Truth
  130. Up Dharma Down - Turn It Well
  131. Bloc Party - V.A.L.I.S
  132. Gardna - Vinyl Records (Medrea Remix)
  133. Little Lapin - Waiting Room
  134. Blondfire - Walking With Giants
  135. AlunaGeorge - Watching Over You
  136. The Jungle Giants - Way Back When
  137. Tim Burgess - White
  138. San Cisco - Wild Things
  139. Tigerbeats - Work Drugs
  140. The Royal Concept - World on Fire
  141. Eye Emma Jedi - Wounded Eyes
  142. Terraplane Sun - Ya Never Know
  143. Frivolous Life - YesYou
  144. Moon Pollen - You Don't Want to See Me
  145. Satin Jackets - You Make Me Feel Good
  146. Van She - You're My Rescue
  147. The Jungle Giants - You've Got Something
  148. Most People - Young and Wild
  149. Digitalism - Zdarlight (Chopstick & Johnjon Remix)
  150. Gypsy & the Cat - Zombie World
  151. Last Dinosaurs - Zoom

Saturday, February 2, 2013

The Potted Potter Experience



I was able to watch Potted Potter with Petite last Wednesday and boy was it a show. It's their 2nd time here in the Philippines as signified by "Returns to Manila" based on the posters and I'm glad they decided to come back.  The show only lasts for 5 days starting Wednesday until Sunday with two shows on Friday and the weekends and it's showing on the Carlos P Romulo auditorium in RCBC.

Gary and Jesse
Potted Potter is a parody of all the 7 Harry Potter books under 70 minutes with only 2 actors, Jesse and Gary. Yes, only 2 actors. Before I watched it, I checked some Youtube clips first and saw that it will be a fun show. It was so fun that I was laughing most of the time and I know I'm not the only one because even the girl on my back was cracking up most of the show. The ad-libs and some modifications on the script to suit the country where they are performing was a good touch, it's a customized show! And that cake, which I'm sure is only on our show, (hahaha laughing as I type this) is something to remember.

Jesse talking to the audience before the show starts.
We arrived just in time as the seats are getting filled and saw Jesse talking to some of the audience as we all wait for the show to start. I wasn't able to take a lot of photos because I was laughing on my seat the whole time and we were not allowed to do so anyway but I managed to sneak a few. As any kind of parody, it's mostly comedy as the characters goof around the stage while they try to tell the story of Harry Potter books. They were able to summarize the whole story and managed to tell the plot twist on book 3 perfectly. Oh yeah, with comedy in between.

Garry as the snitch
There was also a Quiditch game that we all had a chance to participate in. Jesse divided the audience to two houses and we got to play with an inflatable ball as we try to shoot it through the hoops on the sides of the auditorium while the two chosen seekers dance on stage calling "where's the snitch. where's the snitch". One of those who volunteered, a small lady, whom I assume came from work, was shy because she can't do what Jesse was telling her to do, the jumping and bending and the voice. At one point, Jesse looks at her and tells her "Yes this is happening". (hahaha) Jesse was the referee and Garry was the snitch. This is the part where I enjoyed the most because Garry was all gold, since he was the snitch, and as he exits the scene, he decided to dance the "Single Ladies" moves while blowing on the whistle that makes him sound like a snitch. It was so unexpected for me, and somewhat related to imgur jokes, that it made me laugh out loud. Hahaha really funny!

oh yeah, the Forbidden Forest. :)
There were a lot of running jokes in the show and the more they use it, the more funnier it becomes. They poked fun at some of the characters from the book (even on the last movies) and had a couple of references from Les Miserables, Lord of the Rings and Twilight. All in good fun.

I highly recommend this show. If it comes to your place, be sure to catch it and have a fun time! You won't be disappointed, unless you're a super hardcore Harry Potter fan that don't like parodies. I won't mind watching it again because I'm sure there will be some new jokes in store for me.

Hahaha because I remembered some of the jokes. :)

image of Jesse and Gary from www.brisbanetimes.com.au

Thursday, January 10, 2013

0 1 2 3 [2013] +4 5s

Gadgets!!! That's the gist of this post. Starting the year with new toys just like when I was little. I know it feels kinda shallow but I'm due some upgrades anyway and I had to jump in to the opportunity. I won't say YOLO because it's not that, I had this calculated.

For starters, I got myself some awesome running shoes last December. A pair of Nike Lunarglide+ 4. It's my first purchase of rubber shoes ever! I haven't bought any rubber shoes when I was little because I always had someone buy me a pair, and I'm not really that sporty to follow the trends on shoe design, so I never really have any idea what to look for.

I must say, it really made a difference to my morning runs since the shoes are designed for it. I was able to use it for 3 weeks before I had to set it aside for now because they are not meant for Insanity. Good thing with this pair is that the color and design can also be worn with casual clothes. Though I don't really wear rubber shoes on casual days, at least now I have the option. The sole design is also on Lunargrands, just heard of these shoes the other week, though I really don't find it appealing. But hey, that kind of design is a one up for perfect casual shoes that can double as a quick running shoe. One more thing, it's already Nike+ ready so for any i-Product owners there, especially the iPod nanos, these shoes are good to monitor distance, speed, etc.

Meet my playlist maker, the iPod Touch! After a year, I finally got hold of another dedicated music player. I was actually having a hard time deciding on what iPod to get, between the iPod Nano or another iPod Touch. I was considering the Nano since it's cheaper and smaller. But the storage size isn't ideal for me, 16GB is too little for my songs. So I got myself the iPod Touch instead (32GB). First load of songs, I already ate half of it, and we're just midway to January. But it really helped making my playlists, I'm no longer limited to listening only on my computer. Camera is that of the iPhone 4S so it's good and the whole device feels really really light. The case I bought for it made it more holdable and it's a clear case so that I can enjoy the looks of this new iPod.

Cool bonus too are the Coloud earphones I got from Vincent. It sounds OK and has a button and mic making my music listening experience easier since I don't need to unlock the iPod or press anything on it. I just double click the button to play the next track, triple click to move back to previous track and single click to pause/play. I set the playlist I want to play in the morning, and viola, I can browse through the songs without hassle. I just unlock the iPod if I want to rate the current song playing, as a way for me to tag which songs goes to my playlist. White? Because I haven't owned a white iOS device.

After nearly half a decade, I'm retiring my (still functioning) Nokia phone and got myself an iPhone 5, my first smart phone. Well, technically not my first smart phone, but I didn't use my old phone that way anyway. I'm enjoying the new experience with having an iPhone even though I'm familiar with the iOS environment, having the call and messaging features plus the mobile Internet on one device is just awesome. Battery life sucks though. 8 hours or less while on 3G (LTE still not implemented here) with normal browsing and SMS. I really wish the next technology to progress is battery technology.

Well, what can I say about the phone? It's light, sexy, very responsive interface and a breeze to use. Though I wish there are some more customizable options but were talking about Apple here so you get the idea.  Syncs with iCloud so yeah, less hassle updating contacts and calendar schedules. I wanted it to be naked but decided to have a back cover. I'm now updating my contacts and will send a lot of PMs, DMs, and IMs this weekend. Care to share some apps that you like? Productivity, photography, games, etc? because I only have a few. Not that I play on my phone that much anyway.


Another change that happened on the start of the year is us moving to another building. Looks like a warehouse right? I like it BUT it doesn't have any windows! The building is nice, lots of food stalls on the first floor, but the way to get there is another story. Our office is good to look at as the outside is as bad to walk through. Traffic, jeeps, crowd, fly over, pollution, noise. It's crazy irritating. Plus EDSA-Shaw is a big CR! It's seriously disgusting! I wish WCC is the building in Ortigas. Longer walks but it's a more pleasant experience than what I have to pass through now every morning. (Makati I miss you so much!)

On the health front, I'm on day 11 of Insanity and all I can say is it's a really hard workout. I'm sweating A LOT! Good thing I really prepared for it but I'm in no shape to actually follow the time frame for the exercises and the breaks in between. I actually have to take a break every exercise when I'm suppose to be continuing since it's interval training. Also, the middle part on the bottom of my feet can't take the jumping and it's one of my limitations, then of course my body not able to handle the craziness of the routines. I think I'm doing OK and I'll know if I did come Monday when I need to do the Fit Test again. DIG DEPPER! PUSH HARDER! (That's what she said!)

So yeah, 2013, yey!

Sunday, December 30, 2012

In Comes 2013

Into New Year
ciril.deviantart.com

Oh but it's the same thing all over again. Instead of recalling what this year did, I'm piecing the last quarter of this year to next year's first quarter and work my way from there.

2012 is ending, making me feel happy inside that this year will now be considered past, but I know it will just pass the baton to 2013 with careful instructions to hammer everything down on me and make sure that I won't forget. I think the starting word of that instruction would be IMPACT! Somehow, in my head, I've pictured 2012 to be a big fat bully. Giving it character so that I can blame someone/something with my shortcomings... a defense mechanism. To be fair to 2012, I've only blamed it for a couple of things because majority, and the one with the biggest effect, of what happened in 2012 was outside of my actions. I was just sucked in like light to a black hole.

But amongst those "campaigns" that causes me distress, I have one that is my winning front. After a blow to my health c/o my doctor in Makati Med, I've rebounded and showed progress as per my last check-up. Although I think I've lost quite a lot of lead after these 2 weeks of holidays, Christmas, it doesn't only make you poor, it also makes you fat. Anyway, seeing progress is a boost in itself, making me want to achieve more! And that more means taking on Insanity once again. Oh yes, I will try it again. After a humiliating defeat (seriously, it's so bad, Jaidy laughed at me), I'll be starting it again on 31, because January 1 missed Monday by 24 hours. I think I've prepared my gear (shoes, water bottle, some supplements and a mat) and all that's left is my mind, more than thinking that I can do it, (I know I can), it's more of me being committed to it. (At least in here I am committed to something) It will be 60 days of torture for sure but I already think it's worth it. CHALLENGE FUCKING ACCEPTED!

That means that I have to move my plan on getting a bike to summer because I won't be be able to use it anyway. I might need the money for hospitalization in the event I break my body. Or if the plans of my SGV friends pushes through, I can have that summer that eluded me this year. Maybe even visit my friends on foreign land *crosses my fingers* if everything permits. Oh the future looks so bright I'm wearing shades. I'll manage to write something on my new travel notebook that I got from Ice for Christmas. So that's my optimistic spirit typing. My pessimistic side is looking at my balance sheet and somehow, not showing any facial expression.

So that's the plan. For the first 2 months of 2013, I will destroy my body and sweat oceans so that it can be rebuilt anew. Everything else is secondary, more like, not an option. This plan of mine will hit February and of course, there is a question of "But what about on Valentine's day?". Well, it will be on February 14 and last time I checked, I guess they won't be moving it.

2013 will put up a lot of barriers but I'll manage to break them, well, that's the appropriate reaction. I just need to look for my sledge hammer, my concrete breaker, some CAT heavy machinery and call some demolition experts. so yeah, 2013, I'm ready for ya.

ps: But if you can dial down the problems, and increase the opportunities, it will be really appreciated. Thank you sir!

Saturday, December 29, 2012

A Test Piece - 1


Fun: For years now, I've been out and about, enjoying the status quo. There are times when I've thought of tilting the scale a little to see what happens but the phrase "enjoy the moment" always comes to mind, not realizing that I've been "enjoying" it too much that I've done something I shouldn't. I thought that if I am to step up, I need a sign, a reply (now that I think about it, sounds familiar from years ago) but as pointed out to me, the other side isn't likely to do so. I got a laughing smirk with that reasoning and I now understand why. I'm waiting for nothing or for something that comes out in a blue moon, and I should really be the one taking command of the whole thing. That got my brain pistons working overtime, thinking what will happen if I did, because it never occurred to me to think that (ironically) far ahead.

Dilemma: Thing is, it now comes down to a choice. Before the ripples started, I am convinced that I'm not doing something detestable. There are no agreements, no nothing. Jus when schedule permits. If I am to "invest" more, I have to use both my hands. I don't subscribe to deceit, I've heard too many stories and I don't want to be in one, either the protagonist or the antagonist. What I have in front of me is multiple choice, with no "All of the above". It's A or B. It's i or ii. It's 1 or 2. Then comes the meticulous side of me. There is no spark in any of the choice. I don't feel that they are the right answer, even though there should be one. I could't point my finger on which looks correct. Follow the beat when one can't deduce. Dilemma. There aren't any to follow to begin with. I look in to details. Everyone does. When IT isn't present, I tend to scrutinize. My mind isn't preoccupied, it can see what the eyes sends and it can cross-check with a list. It bugged me in a way that I can't shut down during the trip back to south even though the environment calls for a quick nap. It bugged me too much that that train never left the station and was still in my head the next day, waiting for something. Because I need to add something, fuel perhaps? Too much obvious revelations have been dropped on my desk the other day that it got me reading non stop.

Slap: That's when it hit me, that I was acting the way I shouldn't be from the beginning, the contradiction from the lessons I learned the hard way years ago. It's all about squandering something we can't get back no matter how much we try. A paradox that shouldn't happen. I'm doing that thing that I said I wouldn't do anymore and this time, if one of the reality is correct, I wasn't alone. It's a slap to my face, like I had Tyler Durden in me. I nearly lost my balance as I was doing my morning jog when it hit me like a bucket of ice water straight in my face. "But I need to keep going" I said, I still need to run and not just sit at the sidewalk, dumbfounded with what my brain managed to piece together. Besides, the place where it seemed like a tripped a land mine isn't really that suitable for deep thinking. So I ran, in the same way I thought that I shouldn't just stop there and that I should think, think hard, and make sure I climb out of the hole I dug myself in to. But it came back to my dilemma. From the night before. Roadblock! If only there was instructions for a challenge I can do so that I can get past this stage and proceed to the finish line.

C: But I'm not limited, I am not chained to these two choices in front of me. I am the master of my universe and I demand to have another option, so it materialized, choice C. The ticket. The ticket to go outside, or inside now that I think about it. It was agreed on that night that it's not that easy of a choice anyway, between just two options, C is my fail safe, sort of. It was there all along but it's not a popular choice that's why I wasn't even considering it at first (funny that the song now playing as I type this is Get Up and Go by Sea of Bees) because it meant that I won't have anything to report again for next year. It means that I'll still be in the seeming minority now a days, in the land of social media. The price isn't really something I want. But should I choose it then? Like I've said, it's not a popular choice. It's a path that might look OK for now even though I know that the previous two has "repair" options with them. But looking at it as a glass half full, there is a chance that there might be something better if pick the letter C. I too may have been inadvertently locked down myself with false hope and it's no longer fun when I look at it now. 

Answer: It has been on mind for days. And the answer… still eludes me.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

For My Friends this Christmas

I think it's a cliche saying that time passes by so fast every time a holiday comes or at someone's birthday, but I can't help but say it because it really feels that way every time, especially now that it's almost Christmas. I got a message from Ice the other day saying to block the date for our annual get together with Vincent and Carissa and it came with a realization. We call ourselves 24c (24 Club) because we were all 24 when we met each other, and I was like "Wow! 24! We were 24 then" just like how old people would say it. It never gets old (pun intended).

But it's more than realizing we've all grown old-er. It's the season for joyous celebration and for getting together with friends, which is what I've basically been doing the whole week, having dinners every night (so out of shape hehe and it shows, according to a friend I met yesterday). It's not that long of celebrations but for me, getting to meet each other again before the year ends is such a feel-good moment. We've now switched to talking about other stuff instead of just reminiscing the past, not that it's a bad thing, but it feels refreshing to have different topics. It feels like we're all lined up next to each other, taking the whole width of a road as we all walk forward laughing. It's like all of us sharing the knowledge on how to go through life, one experience at a time. Priorities changing, responsibilities growing, and us growing with it. Some are so happy with the holidays while some are preparing themselves for 2013, just like myself. There is nothing like seeing friends again after a long time, making me realize how happy I am that I have friends like them. Time and distance does that, a lot. No matter the number of ways we can communicate now these days, with social networks, phones and emails, I like to keep it old school, meeting people in person, talking face to face, laughing our hearts out with bottomless iced teas or a bottle of beer.

I don't usually say this (actually never in person because I'm shy, except to really close friends) but this Christmas, I wish all my friends all the joy and love the world can give. You guys are awesome and awesome people deserve great things!

Happy Christmas! Eat right! (meaning stuff your face silly!)

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Christmas Season: Meaning End of the Year


no image. like a b&w film.direct and sincere.
I actually want a photo of snow and taken by me.
but tropics.

I told myself that I won't write any blog post outside of my Mac anymore but I just feel I need to write this down right now realizing that mid-December is just around the corner and I might not feel like this for the coming weeks until the year shifts and then I realize I wasn't able to do a year-end recollection. So you know, my Macbook is still with the service center and I might get it next week, hopefully. I just ate it's hard drive and it almost made it to 1 year before dying. So now, I have to turn on this black laptop, open blogger and start majestic's playlist. Which reminds me, I think I won't be able to release the year-end playlist that I was  planning since last October. But I'll try. I also have another playlist to do for a friend... And already this post took a left turn.

Back. Unlike most Filipinos, I don't feel Christmas-y on the start of the -ber months. Some announce it, some really celebrate it. (Hey Grinch me!) More like I want it on December not September. So now that it's December, it means it's properly the Christmas season. Meaning Christmas parties. Meaning gifts. Meaning food. Meaning I just realized how hard the goal that my doctor gave me last month is (wrong time to watch what I eat). It also means end of the year (or end of the world on 12.21, whichever floats your boat). Time to look back on how the year was, what happened and how to proceed forward from this year.

To be honest, this year is mostly a blur because even though I know a lot of things happened, there are a few things that just overshadowed everything else in terms of the gravity of the situation. What this year managed to make me do is it made me think a lot and I do mean A LOT (not ALOT, I don't want a weird bear-like animal in my life because it's always better) on how I've been living, my views, my principles, what I've missed and what should have been done. Sure, I now regret some of my decisions before but then I didn't have the guidance and the knowledge I have now. Suffice to say, I can tag my past as wasted years but in those years, I had fun. I grew. I discovered. I did something that I like and I was able to enjoy it. So scratch the tag of  "wasted years". Make it, others just got a head start. I always use this analogy that some people just managed to press the right buttons. Me, I'm still reading the manual, managing through life like it was the 80's and I'm trying to setup the VCR to record an episode of the Never Ending Story or the Ewoks. This year made me realize a lot of things, made me feel emotions that I thought were just due to the spur of the moment but not really because they were just realization-related feelings that just exploded. I have to change my plans. I have to be the somewhat the bad guy. I have to do it because it's the mature thing to do. I have to grow up. I need to grow up. I should grow up. NOW. I guess this is a milestone in itself, that is almost the same when someone realize that they'll be a parent and that they'll start a family soon. Where they would suddenly have a change of perspective and realize, "FUCK, saying "I'm old" is no longer a joke, that makes you sound like you're a kid  but you're not, and is basically a non-issue anymore.".

2012 is a revolution of a year I guess. Which means next year will be a lot more challenging. I don't know how to explain it but I know I'll need more full body massages, most likely twice a month or weekly, because it will definitely be stressful. I know, I know, it will only be that way if I make it that way but it's not the pessimist in me talking, it's the realist eye seeing how the future will be based from previous experiences. This year is a roller coaster of a ride and I don't see it ending anytime soon. A lot of my friends have moved-on with their lives in 2012 and I'm left here, admittedly problematic (and somewhat stagnant), but with new goals and a new outlook in life. I've seen changes happen in me (insert puberty joke here) and I saw results that gave me that much needed boost. I'm powering through the end of the year 4 kilometers a day on the weekends, multiple reps on weekdays, and up to now, a sea of perspiration. It's so physical, it's fun! Seriously, I want a pool that I can swim in to any time I want to. I usually check on my To-do list that I make every start of the year but I feel this year has been shaken AND stirred so much that I assume I wouldn't have made the slightest progress on any thing that I've set myself to accomplish. I don't want to put myself in a disappointing mood by looking at it, rather, I'd like to think that I'm adapting. Getting a hard time doing so, but I'm moving. It's progress. It might be as slow as the Philippines but at least I'm the president of my own life, not someone else.

What I'm holding tight in my hands are the principles that I've realized this year and I'll use it to guide me through next year. Maybe someone might hold it with me, or maybe I'm just making that statement interesting. *wink* (or am I?) Now I'm just messing with you guys. I have to be honest, 2012 was hard on me. But it taught me lessons that I needed to know. It made me snap in the right cog that I would hopefully turn correctly and would get 2013 running (I want that pair of Nike running shoes that I was having fun customizing the other day). It upgraded my life with a new set of gears that makes it easier for me to shift when I need to. (I still want a Tern folding bike!!!)

I wanna say that this is my year-end post but I know it's too early. Some people haven't even bought gifts yet, that includes me. But I might make a new one, if not, then I guess I've already done my homework. Now to get back on what gift I can give myself this season. Because I feel I really deserve it, after everything that happened, and not just because I'm making a shallow excuse to get myself something shiny and new. Why would I kid myself anyway? And that goes to others who say "they deserve it" even thought deep inside, it's a hollow excuse. A season's tip brought to you by me, trust me on this.